RELUCTANT SPOUSE WORK SHEET

 

STEP ONE: WHY IS THE SPOUSE RELUCTANT?

 

Identify the problem

What is the underlying interest? (underlying reason for reluctance)

Comments

Fear

 

 

 

Lack of trust

 

 

 

Control

 

 

 

Finances

 

 

 

Children

 

 

 

Family & Friends

 

 

 

Image

 

 

 

Pain

 

 

 

Moral & Religious

 

 

 

Emotion/Psychology

 

 

 

Ignorance/Lack of information

 

 

 

Other

 

 

 

 

STEP TWO: WHAT ARE THE RESOURCES:

 

A. Examine the relationship of the Reluctant Spouse (R/S) with:

____Children

____Family

____Friends

____Neighbors

____Clergy

____Physicians

____Mental Health Professionals

Marriage Counsellors, Children’s Therapists, Spouses’ Therapists

____Educators and Guidance Counsellors

____Human Resources Personnel

____Mentors

____Others

Can any of the above be of assistance in getting the R/S to consider Collaborative Divorce?

 

B. Provide the R/S with: Print Material and internet resources. 

 

C. Other: ___________________________________

 

                              

 

STEP THREE: ARE THERE ETHICAL ISSUES?

 

Can I communicate with the non-client R/S?

          Written or Verbal?                                                                   

 

Is the non-client R/S represented by an Attorney?

 

Can I have indirect contact with the R/S through:

The Willing Spouse?

Team and non-team members?

Non-professional third parties? 

Other divorce clients?

Mental health providers, family counsellors, marriage counsellors?

Do I need a written authorization to contact any of the above?

 

          What are the ethical requirements of my profession?

          Are there ethics opinions that address my concerns?

          Should I request an ethics opinion?

          What are the ethical requirements in my jurisdiction?

          Are there other ethical concerns?

 

STEP FOUR:  WHAT ARE THE ALTERNATIVES

 

a. Write to the R/S.

b. Educate the R/S.

c. Make available articles, books, internet sites, etc. to the R/S.  

d. Meet with the R/S:

i.  Alone?

ii. Both spouses together?

e. Schedule a 4 way meeting

f.  Refer the couple to a Collaborative Consultant

g. Have a team member work with the R/S

                                                                                                  i.      How will this be paid for:

a.     No charge?

b.     By the Willing Spouse?

                                                c.  Other

h. Contact (reach) the R/S through a non-team member:

 

i.                    Friend

ii.                   Family member

iii.                 Clergy

iv.                Mentor

v.                 Prior client

vi.                Other _________

          I.  Other: ____________________________________

J.  Last Resort: Should Summons be served?

         

STEP FIVE: PREPARE A PLAN OF ACTION

 

 

Mark K. Bass, Esq.                                                                                                  Stephen G. Gordon, Esq.

mark@bassabramslaw.com                                                                                      sgg@sgordonlaw.com

(914)271-9529, www.bassabramslaw.com                                                                (914) 684-6840